Spiritual Journey (Part 2): Death is your friend

KIMZO

Apr 17, 2023 • 8 min read

Hello friends,

Welcome back to the spiritual journey series! In last week's blog post, we had a transition from my last productivity post to the spiritual journey series, and we hit it off with an XXL blog post. I hope that you liked it and allowed yourself to spend time alone.

For this blog post, you don't necessarily need the knowledge from the last blog post. But you'll go in here with a bit of a handicap, if you don't know what spirituality is about and how spending time alone can help you. We covered all of that last week.

Everyone's spiritual journey is different. When I started all of this, I was mentally in a rather concerning situation. And for better or for worse, I got in contact with death more often.

When you see someone die in a movie or a video game, it can hit you really hard when the scene is well-made, and you know the character well. But if it's just some random side character or NPC, you don't really care.

We either cry our eyeballs out while seeing our favorite character being stabbed to death, or we are having the time of our lives while we nuke a village in Minecraft.

But in real life, we try to avoid the topic of death. It is highly triggering, because it is typically associated with sad emotions, loss, anger, grief, and fear. We try to live in our daily bubble, working down tasks mindlessly and not trying to think about life too much.

What you don't realize is that by not thinking about death, and the meaning of life, you are slowly and steadily becoming a numb character of this world. Your life will feel more empty.

Death shows you, that your life will end someday.

Death is your biggest friend.

Death

I will start off with a story that shows you, how I firstly realized that someone's life could end very quickly, and that started me thinking a lot about death back then.

There is nothing that teared me out of my daily life as heavily as a message that I received once on my phone, while chilling at home in front of my PC.

A friend that I knew, and that wasn't the most mentally stable person back then, was about to kill himself.

The text was long, including things like thanking me and that he just can't take it anymore. He just wanted to end it all. “Feeling nothing is better than feeling all of this”, is one thing that he said and that I remember quite well.

He gave up on himself.

I have never felt so much fear in my life before. One minute ago, I was just wasting my life away, and in the next minute I was the only one who could potentially prevent a suicide.

The second you realize this, the reality check hits hard.

I was literally the only person who could save him from himself. But I didn't know what I should do.

I tried talking to him. Or rather, chatting, because he didn't pick up his phone. I just needed to act. When irrationality kicks in, it's over.

I didn't have a car back then, but I was so ready to steal my mom's e-bike to get to the place I needed to go. But the problem was, that I didn't know where he was.

I wanted to save him from himself.

We texted.

It felt like a long time.

A very long time.

And at one point, he didn't text back.

I was never this scared. And it really got me thinking about life. I felt so lost and was scared shitless.

I realized how quickly everything could end. Everybody experiences life differently. And some people are going through a pain that is so big, I can't even imagine what they are going through. That's why it's so hard for me to judge people trying to kill themselves.

I can't judge anybody that wants to commit suicide. But I don't want people to end their own life. It is so hard to show someone hope when everything seems hopeless to them. They are in a hole where everywhere you look, it looks painful. I'm not saying that it is easy to start hoping again, but I want you all to believe: It will be better in the future.

Life can get better, and sometimes faster than you think. Yes, you may need a helping hand in the form of a therapist, and yes, you need to change your habits. Most people who feel like dying live in an environment that is highly triggering, and have habits that cope for that situation (like playing video games, watching porn, smoking etc.).

On top of that, most people feel lost and hopeless. And that's why the first thing that needs to change, IF somehow possible, is your environment. Else, your habits need to change first. External habits like going to the gym are as vital as internal habits like meditating. If things are too triggering for you, and everything seems overwhelming, I highly recommend getting professional help. Your life will get better, trust me on that.

The fact that you didn't kill yourself means that you love yourself, even if it's just a tiny amount. Deep down, at your deepest core, you love yourself. Your soul loves you.

Hope is what keeps you alive.

Hope is the only thing that can keep people going if everything seems meaningless.

And I was never that relieved in my life as when the next day in the morning, I received a message from my friend. He was alive.

I don't know what it was that didn't let him commit suicide, but I am so incredibly grateful that he was alive. He seriously is a hero in my eyes. He decided to fight.

He looked death in the eyes and told death to fuck off. Not only that, but he decided to tackle life.

His life still isn't easy, but he became a better and stronger person. He is working on himself. He is trying his best to use his complicated situation to his advantage.

He decided to live. He decided to fight.

He is a fucking legend. I don't know if you are reading this and recognize yourself in this text, but if you are, I just want to say: Fucking love you bro and wish you all the best <3.

Embrace death

This situation back then let to a lot of thinking about death, and I realized that everything could end incredibly fast. And that thought was scary.

I was back then 16 or 17 years old, and I haven't achieved anything yet. And I imagined myself dying. My story would have ended right there. Not experiencing one of the craziest trips I've done in my life, never being able to start an apprenticeship, never being able to form those deep bonds that I have with my friends and never being able to meet my girlfriend.

I would have missed out of a lot of life. And I am not even 20 years old yet.

Thanks to that event, I realized something about death: We can't escape it.

I always knew that I will die one day. But there is a huge difference between knowing that you will die one day and truly understanding that you will die one day.

Death became my biggest motivation in life. I know that this is my one and only chance to live a life I want to remember.

And by accepting that you'll die one day, life becomes so beautiful.

Nobody here on earth chose to be born: It is a gift that we received. We didn't pick our parents, our name, our race, our upbringing and so much more. We started out in one way or another, but that doesn't mean that we always have to stay the same.

Go out there. See the world. Dare to love. Dare to play. Dare to create. Experience life like you want it to. Because everyone is his own main character.

Everyone you know is a side character in your life. Be brave enough, so that you, the main character of your life, will be living a life you can be so proud of in the end. Give your best to live brave, and die happy.

I dare you to follow along those blog posts here and to change your lives.

If I could enforce one statement onto everyone that reads my blogs and everyone I know, it would be:

Live your fullest life, because when death knocks on your door, and it's your time to leave this beautiful place, you better make sure that you lived and loved as good as you possibly could. This is your only life. Embrace it with everything you have.

Love you all.

Our challenge

Take a journal and write about death. I want you all to write out what you want to achieve before you die. Where do you want to go? What do you want to feel? To see? To experience? Do you have dreams? Which ones haven't been fulfilled yet?

What would be your biggest regret when you'd die right now? Who couldn't you see anymore? What would you miss?

I dare you to dream again. Let the child in you sing and dance a lullaby for you, that you can then follow to embrace life even more. And let yourself be triggered by this exercise. Being triggered and consciously feeling through it, this leads to true emotional freedom. It's okay to feel everything that comes up during this exercise.

Take as much time as you need for this exercise.

Then make this your biggest motivation in life. You have one chance on this planet. Make it count.

Do you feel committed to this challenge? If you want someone to hold yourself accountable, reach out to me via Mail (kimzo.blog@gmail.com) and write, “I commit to “Death is my friend””

My Song of the week

This song gave me hope in dark times. And it reminds me about how beautiful it is to be alive. I love Paradise. I love Coldplay. Enjoy!