Purpose and Love

KIMZO

Jun 12, 2023 • 7 min read

Hello friends,

What is something that really makes you happy?

It doesn't matter if you think about something big like going on vacation, or some small thing like hugging your beloved ones: I'm sure you have a lot of moments in life that will give you a temporary happiness boost. (If not, you might want to read about gratitude).

But temporary happiness isn't the same as feeling fulfilled. It's great to be happy, but it's not a permanent feeling.

What will make you happy in the long run? How can we as humans become happy? And should we even chase it?

This blog post today is kind of a follow-up to this one here.

Emotional creatures

We humans are driven by our emotions. Our emotions are fuelled by our thoughts, And our thoughts create new emotions. It's an endless loop.

You can't control your emotions, you can only control how you act on them.

Let me explain: Everyone who claims they can control their emotions, is talking about stuffing them back down or ignoring them. This will give you a break from your emotions for a few minutes, in exchange for a long-term problem of not being able to handle your emotions when they finally break through. On top of that, you'll become numb.

Being independent to your emotions means feeling and accepting them fully as they are, but not blindly following them.

You will have to waste an insane amount of energy to keep your emotions stuffed down.

So the first step to unload your emotional baggage is to allow yourself to feel again.

It is scary as hell, but you have to feel through everything. This is something that I can't teach you over text.

Everyone carries emotional traumas with them, and nobody learns to deal with it. The more you deny it, the bigger the chance you are running away from facing your demons.

My tip: Get a coach. A coach will make you learn the right things 10x quicker. My recommendation is to check out Julien Blanc, an amazing online coach for emotional skills. I went through his 8-week program, and I went to one of his live-events, so I can safely recommend him to you.

https://www.julienhimself.com/

On top of that, he is doing a free tour in Europe right now and coming to Switzerland this Thursday evening. So, if you have nothing to do, I highly recommend you go to that even and check it out. You have nothing to lose.

If you feel like getting a coach instantly is too much, then you can check out YouTube. There are a lot of great Youtuber like Hamza, Julien Himself, Clark Kegley and many more.

If you feel like you have some emotional trauma carrying with you that you can't handle alone, I highly recommend getting a professional therapist. These people are trained to help you, and there is nothing to lose (the first session is usually free).

Purpose

After getting rid of (most of) your emotional baggage, you are now ready for finding something and someone you love, and creating a roadmap for your life.

A gigantic task.

First, you need to know what you want in a partner and in live. Defining that is nearly impossible if you are full of emotional baggage, because you will try to stuff some holes instead of choosing things you truly love.

If you are lonely, you will rather write goals like “find a life partner” than “get financially successful”

If you feel insecure, you will rather write “marry as early as possible” than “marry later”

There's nothing wrong with the goals itself, but it's always important to look at the place from where they are coming from. Your goals should be defined by inspiration, not desperation.

If your ego gets involved in making goals, you will select the wrong path and waste your valuable time.

Here I need you to understand a very important concept of lower motivation and higher motivation.

Lower motivation is something like getting a car to impress girls (desperation --> I am not good enough, I need to prove my value) or going to the gym to seem bigger (desperation --> I am weak, I need to be strong bc else I'm a pussy and nobody will respect me)

Higher motivation is something that you do for the sake of providing/creating something, like producing music (to put your stories out there for people to enjoy --> inspiration) or going to work on your traumas (because you know what will happen if you don't, and you want to feel your self-love --> inspiration).

If you want to find your purpose, you should always follow your higher motivation. Else, you are fucked. You really need to understand the importance of it.

A good measure to find out if it's higher motivation or not, is to do a “Purpose Check”. Take goal xy, and ask the following three questions:

Is it something that is rather productive focused, instead of consumer focused?
Would you follow the goal xy as well, if you had all the money, status, and relationships in the entire world, and it would be impossible to get more through achieving that goal?
Would you also pursue this goal if you'd fail 100%?

If you can answer all those three questions with yes, then you just found a potential purpose. Those are the things that shine the brightest when you do them. For me, looking into psychological things and producing music is something that instantly throws me into this state.

I love it so much. I feel incredibly alive when I do that. This is how you know it's a purpose. Will I ever be famous and rich (through creating music?) I don't know. I don't care. I produce for myself, and share it with the world. If someone likes it, then it's a win/win. This is the mindset you need: You do it for yourself, not for someone else. But feel free to share your work ;)

Get out there and find a few things you love, and then try them out!

Love

Will love make you happy?

Short answer: Love alone can't make you happy, but it is the tip of the iceberg which can (but won't necessarily) enhance your life even more.

Being in a relationship has the benefit of getting to know yourself on an even deeper level. You'll get called out on your bullshit, and you'll learn to appreciate new sites from yourself. On top of that, it's incredibly interesting to know someone else on this deep level as well.

Love is a very fascinating topic, but it only works if you are authentic. And authenticity only works, if you know yourself (through finding your purpose and trying out new things). And to get to know your true self, you need to let go of your traumas.

Everything is linked together.

You attract what you are, not what you want. That's why you need to love yourself to have a healthy relationship.

How much you can love your partner depends on how much you love yourself.

If you think you hate yourself, and you are in love with someone else in a healthy relationship, you're lying to yourself: Deep down, you love yourself.

If you feel in love, and try to get to know someone desperately, then this is a crush. A crush is not love, because it comes from desperation. Crushes come from desperation, love comes from Inspiration (I need him/her to like me vs. I am showing my authentic self).

Love is incredibly complex and beautiful, but not a topic you need to worry about too much. If you work on yourself emotionally, you'll automatically become incredibly attractive. You'll become confident, won't be needy, can have interesting and intellectual conversations and will be socially sharp.

So, how do you get a partner?

1) Define what you want in a partner

2) Work on yourself step by step, and you'll get more confident. Approach more people. If you need help with that, read my blog post about approach anxiety.

And finally, and I'm paraphrasing from “The Ape that understood the universe” by Michael Shermer here: “Men are the happiest if they can follow their purpose, and women are the happiest when they can follow love.”

Follow what makes you the happiest.

My challenge for you

If you aren't working on yourself mentally already: Take the first step and stop sleeping around on mental health. Get a coach, visit a seminar, try to find coaches on YouTube and let yourself be inspired. Confidence can be learned. Social Skills can be learned. The people who tell you that it's not possible have no clue.

I believe in you, but you have to do the work. And now, it's time to take the first step!

If you want any help, feel free to reach out to me via Mail or Instagram.

My song of the week

I know the lyrics are literally the contrary of love, but this song is fire.