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Falling in love

KIMZO

Feb 6, 2023 • 6 min read

Hello friends,

We have reached our 10th blog post. This is just the beginning of this amazing journey, and I want to thank everybody who is already tagging along. It doesn't matter if this is your first time reading one of my posts, or if you are someone who casually reads a few of them, or if you are a hardcore fan who analyzes every blog post to find every detail and then write me a Mail: Thank you so much for following me along on this journey and reading my blog. Love you all.

And talking about love: In today's blog post, I've decided to write about this exact phenomenon. We don't choose when or how we fall in love, it just happens. And when it happens, it feels amazing. And even tho we know how it feels like, it's hard to describe with words, especially because everybody experiences love differently.

What exactly is love? How do we "define" it? How do people express love?

I'm going to try to break all of that down in today's blog post. Enjoy!

The strongest drug on earth

Love is the most addictive drug there is out there. Love is madness.

Humans are amazing creatures: You go out there to meet someone. You have an amazing time, so you meet each other more often. Over time, you get to know this person on a deeper level, and you start doing even more stuff together. And before you realize what is happening, you fall in love.

Your chest feels warm when thinking about that person. In the beginning, your emotions are getting out of hand. You want to spend more time with that person. But before we take action, we need to ask ourselves: Is that really love, or just a crush?

Falling in love is differently then crushing. If you have a crush on someone, it's something that came out of the blue (just as falling in love), but it feels differently.

A crush is needy and holds a grudge very quickly (OMG why didn't he/she text me???), is based on physical attraction only, and is based on validation seeking. Having a crush is really possessive. It's that you NEED to be with that person.

Love is extremely liberating: You want to get to know the other person on a deeper level, you forgive the other person more easily (he/she didn't text me, he/she is probably busy), you want the best for the other person without something in return, and you accept the person with all their strengths and flaws. You love the person for who she/he is.

Crushes happen very quickly, love builds over time. But a Crush CAN change to love over time, or disappear into the nothingness from where it came from.

How does a crush turn into love?

You spend time alone with that person. Just the two of you. You get invested in each other's interest. Make exciting new memories together. Get to learn each other's goofy side. Try out something new. Spend quality time together. Just the two of you.

And before you argue that you would speed run into the friend zone with what I just told you: Then you are doing something wrong. What do I mean by that?

Most people have zero awareness about how attraction work and just freestyle. This blog post isn't about attracting a partner, but if you want to learn about that, read the book "Models" by Mark Manson. All you ever need to know in one book.

Expressing your love

We have now talked about what love is and how it feels like. But the most important question is: How do people express their love?

Honestly, until 3 days ago, I would have said some stuff like "kissing each other and holding hands". But that's because I (3 days ago) didn't know anything about love languages.

If you are like myself 3 days ago, you will think, "What the hell is a love language? Is that flirting?"

A love language is how a partner expresses love to another person. Not everybody expresses love the same way. Everyone experiences love differently.

There are five love languages that you should be aware of:

Acts of Service --> Feels loved the most when you help them out (do the dishes for them, taking the dog out for a walk for them)

Receiving gifts --> Feels loved the most when you give them a present (surprising them randomly with chocolate, making a personal gift for birthday)

Quality Time --> Feels loved the most when you give your full attention to him/her (not on phone or listening music while talking to him/her)

Words of Affirmation --> Feels loved the most when you tell them how much you love them. (literally as simple as it sounds, telling them "I love you" in person or via chat means the world to them)

Physical Touch --> Feels loved the most when touched (random hugs, holding hands in public)

This is such important knowledge: If you can find out which is your primary love language and the one of your partner, you can connect even better and show your love for each other on a way deeper level. You'll learn to understand each other even better.

Sidenote: Just because someone has one primary love languages, that doesn't mean that you should just cut off everything else. But you can purposefully focus on one language a bit more than the other's.

You can truly connect with your partner on a deeper level and make your relationship even better.

So with that knowledge, you can improve the relationship with the person you are with. Thank me later.

My challenge for you

This week I want you all to do something simple and optionally something that takes a bit more time. But trust me, it's time well spent.

The first thing is that I want you to do a test to define, what love language is most congruent to you. Like that, you can learn a lot about yourself. If you have a partner, you can ask him/her to do that test as well.

Try it out and find out a lot of new things about yourself :)

The second thing I want you to do is optional, but especially as a dude with not much experience yet, highly recommended: I want you to buy the book "Models" by Mark Manson and get awareness about dating and attraction in general. You won't need any guide after reading this book.

My Song of the week

Crazy Vibe. I absolutely love this track.